Find Me One Day At Home, Darling
by Starlight Thoughts
Summary: Dean insists that he's not the settling down type, but Dean isn't always right.


There was this thing with being full-time hunters; there was little time to actually get to know someone. Sure, Dean (and Sam on the rare occasion) slept with more people than most, but it wasn't like he actually knew them. Half the time, he didn't even know their names at the end of the night. Which was fine. It wasn't like Dean was the settling down type of person anyway.

Except that he was. Lisa and Ben proved that. Sure that wasn't really his life, no monsters, no ghosts, angels, or demons, but he had been happy, and it didn't matter what Lisa said, it was almost impossible to believe that Ben wasn't _his_. At the end of the day, even if Lisa just happened to have a type and Ben wasn't his biologically, anyone who said that Dean wasn't that boy's dad, at least for that year, was wrong. That was a piece of bliss that Dean hadn't let himself think that he wanted.

But then Sam came back, little brother Sammy, the first boy that he had raised, and like any good father, he went and helped him, though it broke his heart to leave his family, because they were family, behind. On those long nights on the road, it gave him some hope that at least they were still alive. They had survived being close to him. It was possible.

Dean fell in love with the Men of Letters bunker almost instantaneously. They had somewhere safe, somewhere other than Baby to call home. It was intoxicating. He could admit to himself that he considered finding his family and bringing them here. Time had passed, but Ben was still his son, and Lisa was still there for him despite knowing his crazy, and god dammit, he missed them. But they were safe, and thanks to Cas, had no memories of him. Yes, he asked for it, but that didn't mean that it didn't still hurt. He just knew how to hide it because like hell was he going to let Sammy think that Dean losing them was his fault.

Kevin Tran was next and Dean did not want to think about Kevin, ever. That hurt too damn much. Because Kevin, he placed his trust in him(Sam, too, but Dean liked to ignore that), and time and time again, that trust was betrayed unintentionally. Kevin was dead because Dean trusted the wrong damn angel. Kevin was dead so that Sam would be alive. At the end of the day, Dean missed him, but he couldn't think about him, despite passing his untouched room every damn day.

Then came Charlie. Nerdy girl who would have been perfect for his brother if she swung that way. But she didn't, and really, that didn't matter because she became so much more for both of them. She showed them how to have fun again when they needed it. She taught Sam things about computers that had become vital to their way of life. She knew what it was to keep running from the world. She really was the sister they never thought they wanted. There was guilt there, too. But Charlie was a grown woman and chose her own path, chose this. And hell yes, when she was killed, he was pissed enough to let the Mark of Cain take over because those Frankenstein freaks needed to fucking pay for that. Her room, though she was rarely ever in it and was mostly there on ceremony, was left untouched.

That left Castiel. Dean shattered when he thought the angel was dead. He was anger and guilt and grief all rolled into one self destructive mess. He wasn't suicidal per se, but he sure as shit didn't really care if he was still alive at the end of the day. Cas had been his anchor, something that would always be there. And then he wasn't. He had never had nightmares before losing Cas. Maybe because out of all the people that he had met, had fallen for, either romantically like Lisa, or platonicaly like Kevin and Charlie, none of them had been as focused on _him_ as Cas was. Cas's priority was Dean, the way that Sam was Dean's. The angel had given up everything for him time and time again, and damn it, if that wasn't addictive. All that heavenly attention on him. But then all of that was gone and it broke him.

Then Cas came back and the world was broken, again, but Dean was fixed and letting his rough exterior personality fade into the background because Cas was human and that, that just wasn't right. Not even close. Where was the angel that could kick his ass without blinking, that unfailing confidence in what he believed, wheather it be his Father or the Winchester boys? Cas began doubting him, and that might have been his own damn fault because Dean started this by doubting him.

But Cas didn't leave him, despite the doubting. Cas stayed and fought Heaven and Hell to keep Dean alive and safe and happy. Cas fought through angel programming to save Dean. It wasn't even a thought. They could always reach each other, no matter what obstacles stood in their way. Not even Death was stupid enough to try and separate them because for them, it was always together or not at all, and without even trying Dean Winchester had settled down, as a hunter, with an Angel of the Lord at his side with all the knowledge the world could offer at his fingertips and his baby brother to help him use it to save as many people as they could. Maybe one day Ben might actually have a father to be proud of, even if he didn't know it.


End file.
